Friday, 13 February 2015

"The name's Morticia....Cara Mia if you're nasty!!"

Well hey there and hello for 2015!

I'm here, nursing a good tipple against the cold breeze and realising that it’s been too long time since I have stopped long enough to have a bit of a rant. I've had plenty amongst my nearest and dearest but no topic has riled me enough to put my thoughts out here for the entertainment and perusal of you all…until now that is.

So, today marks the release of the film ‘50 Shades of Grey’. If you have somehow escaped this madness I will allow you a minute or 2 to look it up….ok, you’re done now back to me.

So this is supposed to be a big deal. Seriously, this is supposed to hail the sexual awakening of countless women in the western world who used to think that BDSM is an additive. You can’t look at a bus or billboard and not see the ad campaign. The masses have been thrown head first into a world of 'intrigue and desire' with the loaded Christian Grey and his ‘assistant’ Ana Steele. 

The world is never going to be the same again as demonstrated by the scores of people trudging towards Ann Summers and fiddling with the riding crops and handcuffs, trying desperately to buy them quickly while the kids are distracted outside. You too with some DIY and a little help from Cargo and the supermarkets could have your own dungeon to replay your best scenes. London Fire Emergency Services are on standby to answer the tsunami of calls pertaining to removal of cock rings or chastity belts gone hideously wrong. B&Q staff have been fully trained in which cable tie is suitable for the sex dungeon and why the vibrator powered by rudimentary pneumatic drill may not be the best idea.

Women have awoken friends and what they demand is a damn good thrashing, leather optional at the hands of a rich handsome pretentious miserable wankstain….at least, this is how it's portrayed.

In one sense, the book definitely opened the eyes of a lot of people to BDSM but taking this as some form of instruction manual as some seem to be, sorry kid that just don’t wash. 

Now subject matter aside, the book is poorly written and an excellent example of what happens when you don’t do your research. One of my favourite authors is Stephen King. I have loved his books since I was a teenager and there always comes a time when I think I should probably put him down and then I read something again and remember why I love his work. I am no blind follower though, I am a critical Constant Reader (which is what Stephen calls his fans). Some of his work I don’t get on with, others are fine and then there are the Masterpieces. Stephen King is one of the first authors to show me the beauty of the short story, a little titbit to frighten or make you laugh. In most of his collections of short stories, he gives a background to the how or why a story came into being and one of my favourites is about a story  called ‘Survivor Type’ I read this story and then read as Stephen King told how he had come up with the idea by asking a doctor friend of his, whether a person could eat themselves. The quote that the doctor responds with forms the basis of what is the novella. 

One of the things that Stephen King managed to drill into my brain is the importance of research, even if the results that you find are more surprising than you thought. You need to research your subject as your writer. It is also something that he comically ends up telling William Goldman off about in regards to the 'Princess Bride'. The research propels your work.  My point is ’50 Shades’ really seems to lack research. While she may have looked into the best ways to tie someone up and throw a tampon out the window, she seems to have dismissed entirely the big section on after-care. The part where you tidy up, hug, cease weeping for a sec and talk about what just happened and how it has effected each person. It reads like someone’s idea of  BDSM played out by 2 automatons and the most annoying part of it is that there are people out there who will use this idea of domination as an introduction to that life. Which is why I am rallying the call to look elsewhere. 

I have absolutely no qualms about the BDSM lifestyle. The crux of it is consent, trust and care with alot of talking. This is how true BDSM should be approached. Following the examples written by E.L. James is a sure fire trip to disaster, bankruptcy and probably counselling.

For better writing skills and a gripping read, why not start with the originator of masochism, Leopold Masoch’s ‘Venus in Furs’? I could recommend other material until the cows come home but for a beginners' guide to follow, I am going to hang it all out there and say hey, just follow Gomez and Morticia Addams.

Yep I said it…The Addams Family. Come in close…I’m not nuts. Watch the series, I implore you. Then watch the Barry Sonnenfeld films. Listen to the dialogue, with corrupt adult ears and you will realise what a trick you were missing as you laughed at Morticia cutting the heads off roses.

“Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again!”

“Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.”

Gomez and Morticia Addams...playing out their BDSM for all the world to see to canned laughter. Forget The Munsters, there were poor cousins masquerading as entertainment. Gomez and Morticia made no secret of the fact that they had sex, lots of it and adored each other. They supported their family, encouraged and loved Wednesday and Pugsley and had and enjoyed submission and domination.

Gomez the willing sub in adoration of his mistress, Morticia, controlled chaos, at peace with her role as wife, mother and dom. It is a great example of the fun and good times to be had as a couple in marriage and definitely in love. This is no old, withered couple, these are people who enjoy each other as much now as the day they met at that fated funeral and they work hard to keep that attraction as fresh as that first day.
Gomez caters to Morticia's desires and throws himself on her mercy. She is not just the ice queen merely issuing edict, she cares and loves him. Pain and pleasure, though interplayed never mean that caring is sacrificed and it shouldn't be. No decent mistress would merely discard her plaything (unless of course agreed beforehand).

This is why in my humble opinion if you are curious about the world of BDSM, save your money, walk away from Mr Grey and Ana Steel. You can't go wrong following the examples of Morticia A. and Gomez Adams. click click.

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